No one every taught me that I was supposed to say this word aloud during the holiday season. I didn’t know that one word could mean so much during Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas. No one told me this one word contained so much power.
How did I miss this one word my entire life?
Not until I experienced severe loss did I begin to understand. As I describe in Fight Back With Joy, I now walk among the fellowship of the afflicted.
Perhaps you do, too.
Maybe you received the news of the diagnosis.
Faced an ongoing struggle with infertility.
Suffered through a painful miscarriage.
Received the crushing financial blow.
Discovered your spouse wasn’t being true.
Experienced a freak accident.
Had someone take something from you that you’ll never get back.
Or something worse.
If so, you, too walk among the fellowship of the afflicted.
Those who walk among the fellowship of the afflicted tend to walk tenderer, speak slower, love more intentional.
Why? Because they know the great unspeakables of pain and loss.
But even if you’ve never experienced severe suffering, you can still enter into people’s lives this holiday season with one word that will breathe life and hope and love.
Do you know the one life-giving word?
It’s the word for everyone in your life who has experienced the loss of a loved one.
A mother. A father. A grandfather. A grandmother. An uncle. An aunt. An extended family member. A friend. A coworker. A child.
During the holidays, the hole left behind from that person’s presence grows wider and deeper. The absence of the person around the Thanksgiving table, unwrapping Hanukah gifts, and sitting around a decorated tree creates a throbbing ache.
That’s true whether it’s the first year, the fifth year, the tenth year, or the fiftieth year beyond the person’s passing.
Recently, I reached out to a friend who had lost her son. I knew this was18-month anniversary of her son’s death.
“You are in my thoughts and prayers today. You are loved. And I miss Matt, too,” I wrote.
She responded with word of thanks and added, “Every 5th of the month is a mini-anniversary for his death. Thank you for remembering.”
The people who have lost loved ones in your life are having mini-anniversaries every month.
Maybe the date is the 3rd or the 11th or the 17th of the month.
Whatever the specific date, the holiday season is among the hardest for many.
If you haven’t already, go back and identify the date of the loss. Put it in your Google calendar. Reach out every month. Remind them consistently that you are praying and present.
Especially reach out during the holidays. The weeks from now until the end of the year are crucial.
The most important word you’ll speak this holiday season is the name of the person who died.
Say his name. Say her name. Every time.
I miss Matt, too.
Why? One of the greatest fears of those who have lost someone is the person will be forgotten. When you say the person’s name you echo the truth that their life matters—to us and to God.
In the space below, write the name of the person you’re missing this holiday season. As you do, know you’re in my thoughts and prayers and you are loved.
The post The One Word You Must Speak This Holiday Season appeared first on Margaret Feinberg.